Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
