And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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