my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Congratulations! We have a period
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