Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
