This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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