It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
