sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
