My room smells like vodka and shame
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
