We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
