fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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