To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize