Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
