shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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