I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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