i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
