Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
