I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
