Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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