i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
are you so shy because you have an std?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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