dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
