This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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