clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
