somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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