duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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