Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
