Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
