if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
