So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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