I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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