The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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