I met the friendliest cop last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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