I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A+ Viking dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
