I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
