Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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