there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
