If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
