nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
