i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
