You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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