I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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