Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
