Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
