I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
