im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
