hell yes lets make some ravioli
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
