My Higher Power is John Stamos
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
