I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
