Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
