I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I did not marry a roomba.
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