That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
