Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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