I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
