do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
