i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
