I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
