What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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