My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
