the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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