My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
