Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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