Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
