this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
