How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
