if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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