The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
