end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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