We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
