Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
