yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize