My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
