i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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