Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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