Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
